Sturborn Girl is Joey

I feel my skin condition turned very bad recently.
The dark circles under my eyes were getting bigger and bigger. And more than that, those pimples, acnes that plague me now. I know all night and work hard why make my skin turned bad. No choice, work to continiuos your life.
Only can do is drink more water n sleep earlier, but always can't do it. This attitude already start when i small...Actually i dislike drinks water..coz no taste...if can choose ...*Rebenna, honey, sour soup, ais lemon tea..etc are my favourite...STURBORN izzit ? Coz 3 years old already like that..difficult to change.....

between, please keep this secret for me ....if let my mother see...sure will scold me ...ehehhe

<<那女孩對我說>>

很久没有一支MV可以这么感动了~~~~
尤其是中间部分男女主角在木屋窗口对大海呐喊的那一幕, 单纯自然而直抵内心, 一种张扬却完完全全的感觉, 好像真的可以抛开一切......那个时候++++心里某个不曾见到阳光的阴暗角落被轻轻抚摸, 感到微微疼痛却无力宣泄, 只好面无表情地泪流满面 (T_T) ....
有时候要的只是一种感觉, 但是往往却满足不了...那又能怎么样呢 ? 只好面带微笑而内心疼痛地继续在这个尘世中行走, 寻找, 失去, 哭泣......永远没有终结的开始......心里的伤痛要用眼泪来抚摸, 我一直这样相信...眼泪代表脆弱, 流干净了剩下的就只有坚强了......可是我的脆弱却像是每天必修的功课, 是永远没有办法流干的......委屈都要自己一人承受, 就算哭红了眼睛~~~~~~~ 心里最柔软的角落不会有人触摸到我的心......
谢谢 *那女孩對我說* , 谢谢黄义达, 带给我的感动, 那么疼痛而炽烈鲜明, 让我清楚我的孤单和伤痛永远无药可救......而你...在那里吗?......

"勇气"

是犹豫不断还是想的比较多?
可能这就是太喜欢把自己保护的好好的人的缺点吧>>>>>
往往想着想着, 是你的东西也就都流走了, 活该!!!!
也或者可能不属于你的, 反正到最后是不是你的谁也说不清楚,
今天突然听到一个刚认识的朋友 (反正是个朋友) 就给我留了这句忠告, 我应该更果断点!! 所以回到家后我又想了想, 我好象还真是个满不果断的人~~~~
我是不是应该好好改下这个缺点呢? 应该, 绝对应该!!!其实果断首先就需要那么一点勇气, 好, 那我就给自己先多加上那么多点勇气, OK, 从今天开始, 加油!!!!VVVVVV!!!!

PS:加首还满好听但又不达噶的"勇气"给自己加油!!!!

*Sunday*

累似乎没有因为*Sunday*的到来而停止, 状态依然的疲惫着+++++++
这种状态总是那么的讨厌, 工作繁忙? 宿夜狂欢?
这种身体的疲惫从来未曾能打败我, 真正的疲惫或许来自心理, 因为总是想太多, 所以我承认是一个"思考者"+++总会给自己出很多自己都没办法回答的问题, 然后让自己给自己答案~~~~
每当沉迷于这种荒唐的思考时, 就会迷失, 要知道那种抓不住弦的感觉总是那么的不好受,
我们都不是命运的编剧, 只是一个角色而已, 或许剧本早就写好, 所以到这时候我总会暗自庆幸, 一直以来似乎编剧没有打算让我去担当一个悲剧的角色, 至少到现在为止是这样@@@@

但生活又何尝如此简单, 介大欢喜的结局更又是谈何容易?
可能最近一个多月真的发生了太多太多的改变....一切发生的是那么的突然毫无征兆，再一次的战争又爆发了，无言以对，对于这种突如其来变化我总是那么束手无策，自认一直以来都是个没什么脾气的人，因为不善言语，所以我从来不会选择吵架的方式来表达我糟糕的情绪．．．或者说我连吵都懒得去吵，好的，必须承认我有一个巨大的缺点＂懒惰＂，甚至是随意的懒散，天生加上后天的培养已经把我这个缺点发挥的淋漓尽致，我不知道*CANCER*是不是都有这样的＂优点＂，至少我是这样一个懒散的*cancer*．^@^
向受我缺点折磨过的人先道１００个歉意，对不起！让你们受苦了．十万个对不起！给你带来了这么多的不快，会比你难受上一百倍，只能怪自己不够天分，但真的我尽力了！！
无论如何我只希望你每天能开心幸福，无论是否在我身边．．．或许没我惹你生气的日子你会开心起来．．
不管怎么样, 我想我会为此付出我的所有...只希望累的同时, 你们可以为我加一个小油!!!!!
＂电脑＂今天再次属于我一个．．．．．！＠＄＃＠＄＃＠％＃％＾％＾＄％

living in my dream..dun wanna wake up

dunno wat i'm doing nowadays>>>
i'm sure i've been asking for too much without putting any effort.. that applys to everything..

phooO~it is indeed da toughest period throughout da life ~~ a long term OT period which seem still far away to b nless..though...^~^...i thought i was strong n smart enough to accept watever outcome..i kept pulling back coz i was scared to lose.. i thought that was just a game n i was enjoying it..however.. i realized that it is no doubt a game.. but i'll never win this game.. while i dun have any back up.. +++++++++++
this game called *life*.. whatever happen was out of control n sometime u cannot even know what will u face in next second...i need back up now.. n i'm pretty not sure wat kind of back up i need n wat i have to do.. amazing...so plan it plz..jo

lots of reading n calculating are waiting for me ...mountain of work still in front of me, many thing still wait for me to handle... althought it feel like only happen in those tv dramas, unfortunately, it happened in the real life.. cant do anything.. n dun wanna do anything..just give a break for myself.... no excuse to ignore it, cannot postpone again, , totally over... dun wanna listen anything from anyone..
watever, please dun tell me..i feel like i always betry someone who treat me well.. am i such an bad person?
da day will come...after da last stage which all the accounts pass ...have to step on n jump off with da feeling..have tried my very best! !!!!! at least, i did~

Not enough sleep..become panda

dun have enough sleeping time la... how stupid!!!
i'm supposed to work today.. but couldnt wake up.. coz someone took me to watch (mission impossible III) till really late last night.. kinda forced me to go.. coz bought the ticket before actully asked for my permission.. that's really bad.. anyway thanks...purposely bring me out to release tension...even how busy u r...appreaciated..>>>that movie vey nice...between, plz dun do it again ok ??? (^_^)i think my manager must be mad at me now.. so scare.. decided not to go out at all in this weekend n working hard to replace my guilt-culpable... can i be forgivable?? Hope so+++

havent putting down anything in 'my space' for a while (in english).. complained by someone...but still prefer write in chinese more if compare with english version...eheheh...

every time when i try to write down something.. i couldnt think anything.. maybe my life has been too empty so nothing to write.. or may be there are too many things happening that i cant be bother or manage to write everything.. anyway.. it's quite a happy..or normal period for me.. evrything like usual..*quiet like crocodile sleep in the river.. when it wake up, sure will crazy* make me losing direction.. always cant make decision.. even just a tiny problems..(e.g.whether i should upgrade my mobile or get a new contract) dunno what i want.. dunno which direction i should be going.. dunno what kind of person i really am... i'm getting lose.. which is good.. i guess.. i hope it's not too late to realize...at least i'm not that worse in the world...

This night, no other feeling.. always tell myself, leave some space to survive, dun put too much of pressure... which means past is passed.. nothing else..
hope everything will get well soon...

* 郁闷 *

<最近好嗎>？曾經... 最是害怕的一句話>>>
每當朋友問到... 總是不知所措.(+_+)..不知道該怎樣回答才是正確的...好像給別人問出了千般的委屈(*@*)..有衝動讓他一盤倒出...卻卡在了半空中+++害怕自己那所謂的煩惱...在別人心中其實無比渺小....清楚那所有無法承受的痛...對于別人都只是聼來的故事...所以我總是淡淡說...遇到的一切事都是幸福的...身邊的一切人都是善良的...擁有的一切東西都是美好的...
要知道...這一切中該吞沒了多少笑容...才能融合到...(T_T)

隔着落地玻璃窗望向另一边...
杯子里的咖啡已经凉了, 传说中的爱尔兰咖啡是要加眼泪的, 所以微微带酸......
我不喜欢喝咖啡, 但是却喜欢用银匙搅拌咖啡的动作, 觉得手腕的姿势很幽雅......
就是这么肤浅, 会被表象迷惑. 没有什么事情是永远不变的, 当初狠狠下过的决心也会随着时光流逝或者心态变化而生变. 我现在才知道原来一种信念真的可以改变一个人......
从前那个呼风唤雨, 张扬任性的大小姐不见了...我把她弄丢了......现在的我逆来顺受, 没有脾气, 把情绪默默地藏在心里......越来越没有骨气了, 那么的唯唯诺诺, 那么的温言软语......像一只刺猬把身上的刺一根一根都拔掉, 那么的痛彻心扉, 都咬着牙忍过来了......遍体鳞伤, 却毫无怨言......

这期间发生了太多事. 多到来不及消化, 下一桩事又来了, 把人压得喘不过气
于是整个人都变得慵懒. 生活失去了方向感, 需要慰籍....
有人建议试着让自己忙起来..REALLY ???
不知道为什么, 最近我的心情起伏很大, 总是容易觉得莫名地难过和伤心. 是我想太多吗 ？？？

<<北极雪>>

以前在初中的时候很爱的一首歌<<北极雪>>,现在重新演绎了一个<<再见北极雪>>的版本,
最近听到了,不知怎的,觉得好唏嘘,那时候只有14,15岁吧,怎么转眼间就23了呢,到了面对社会的时候了~~

其实真的非常怀念以前小时候那种单纯简单的快乐,会因为追不到一集电视而伤心,也会因为吃了一块好吃的糖而开心,买条新的花裙子就雀跃半天.........那是最简单也最明亮洁净的小幸福,是人生一种完全真空的状态,人的一生只有一次而已,以后的日子无论多洁身自爱都是沾染尘埃的了.
也许那些时光就像北极雪一样是可一不可再的,昙花一现的真空的纯净儿时,而现在却是我们和北极雪说再见的时候了.............

再见北极雪~~~
我的一去不返的美丽时光~~

<母亲节快乐>

这几天连续下雨, 连出去的心情都没有了, 郁闷!
今天无聊在家做观音,傍晚的时候在我房间的窗口看雨,
看到远处的公路上车子一部一部连在一起开过, 像一只只会发光的小虫,在夜幕里游弋.
我突然觉得这个尘世间的所有喧嚣都与我无关了. 我就是一个人沉浮在自己的喜怒哀乐里.
我有一片只属于自己的秘密花园, 没有任何人能分享, 包括我的生身父母.
也许这就是为什么我一直是一个冷冰冰的人, 我的世界里没有别人..........

希望明天雨会停吧, 我还是喜欢出去聚会的, 但是心却打不开.........
嗯~~让我想个偷溜的办法~~

暂时放下 。。。想对妈说 <母亲节快乐>
Always appreciate what u done for us...

Everybody holiday ...except me

Today is 2006年5月11日, ...... BoO>>>bOO>>>boO>>ray*..~~
(Tomolo ...^Wesak Day^....still need to work ....sign)

forgetfully where to listen this before :----
when u gains something ...in between you will lose others at the moment ....

dumpling ....dumpling ....dumpling festival...coming soon===
*Miss my grandma*~~her dumpling is the best in the world ...delicious ^@^

continiously >>> advance drug discovery........... du............~

Slowly~ slowly~ 就这样~ 我长大了.....

自幼就接受traditional式的教育...也习惯了... 觉得并没有什么不妥.... 学习到的知识亦应该够用了.... 至少没哪么不堪吧... 感谢 mum vs dad...

校园的日子... 蒙蒙懂懂的... 谜谜糊糊的.... 天真无邪的... 自由自在的.... 更没有工做的压力...也没有$的烦恼...
天蹋下来都有mum dad档着... 撒娇嘛... 像公主般...

不知何时...小脑袋忽然添加了许多杂质...
从学业, 工作, 生活, 感情。。不是涟漪就是刮大风 , 掀大浪, 忽高忽地...
总是很忙...忙的连自己都不晓得... 开始迷失了... 我甚至不知道，我做这一切。。。是为了什么 ? 不是逃避...而是没得选择...停(慢着) ...先将思绪zhen理一下...将自己快要爆裂的心跳安抚 着...coz i stil cannot find the correct dose for my vet prescription!!!!

**Sob**多想哭给你听.......对不起 , 从来就没有将不愉快的事告诉你 , 事情发生了 , 我却开始慌 。。幌 ....心不知所措.........不带*难过*的心情给你 , 因为情况不允许我说长长的~~不快乐~~~从来 , 不快乐的事通常都要长时间才能说完 , umm...应该不会有事吧~~~~长大了....给自己加油....不可以再依赖了....希望你知道 , 我在这里过得很好。。

Boooo.....懒洋洋** 总相信明天会更好....grrrr